Thursday, December 31, 2009
It has been a year and oh what a year; exhausting, draining, somewhat (or more) depressing, definitely illuminating. And all through it I had no impetus whatsoever to tap signed hosts or look for new ones, and get things rolling on The PoC in SF Carnival.
I felt no need to get anyone involved in collecting links to the, quite frankly, bullshit white privilege that coated the entire year. And for a good part of the year LINKSPAM took on that role, while conversations happened in public and in private; wearying and sometimes repetitive.
I gave myself till December to see how I was feeling, cause quite frankly looking at the Carnival, after looking at those conversations made me cry. Yes, I'm admitting it - I saw white people (acting the fool) and they made me cry.
And while I was recovering from those injuries (what, did you think Strong Black Women Feel No Pain?), my focus shifted. I am no longer comfortable just trying to be a presence, just trying to prove PoC; have conversations about SF; are consumers and creators.
As stated before: I Want To Have A Conversation.
A certain type of conversation, this is true. It's THE CONVERSATION I WANT TO HAVE and the PoC In SF Carnival, as it was in 2008, doesn't quite fit.
I could, it is true, hand the Carnival over and if someone really wanted to gather links under that title with added commentary and seemed sincere and contacted me, I believe I would hand it over.
What I would like to do, what has occurred to me to do, is drop the CARNIVAL part of the title.
PoC in SF
As a blog centered in and promoting THE CONVERSATION I WANT TO HAVE. With regular bloggers and guest posts.
Not something that happens once a month, but something, somewhere to go to on any day. Somewhere to have the conversation, versus mainly/only pointing out where parts of the conversation have been happening.
Something more inclusive of the myriad voices that are Non White Peoples.
Something more inclusive of the myriad Non English Speaking (or at least English Secondary) voices.
So now I understand what I want, why the Carnival was not enough, to be used in 2009. All that's left is figuring out how I will go about creating the space I want for the community I want - and where.
Additional Note aka Some Harsh Truths: The PoC In SF Carnival was started because of my frequent pointing out at how other carnivals with related issues consistently left out non-white povs. The response to which was essentially - go make your own. To which I did. And I will always be grateful that Ragnell put that idea into my head, even if it was because I couldn't put intersection of issues into hers.
But I don't want to even unconsciously follow that mold anymore, because part of following that way of doing things involves exclusion; a certain navel gazing and kind of grubby space guarding.
I want to create my own space, my own institution, my own node and I don't want to do it alone. Moreover, I want it to actively include those non-white romance writers, for example, who're trying to write something that doesn't fit the mold of 'What Their People Are Supposed To Write About'; which in terms of Blacks in the US would be ghetto lit and Christian Romance (occasionally).
The story of
MillicentMillenia Black has never left my mind (Sorry Penguin Books, you can't purge people's memories).
And 2009 has shown me and shown me and shown me that such a space for discussion is needed. Actually more than one space for such discussion is needed, because one singular space cannot be everything to a varied group of people.
PoC & Non White Peoples In Genre Fiction.
Not a monolith.